Pyrotechnics
by Angelic-Kitten
Summary: A freak car accident leaves a girl stranded in Saiyuki
1. Stranded

Summary: A freak car accident leaves a girl stranded in the Saiyuki world.  
  
Disclaimer: For the last time....I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING RELATED TO GENSOMADEN SAIYUKI!!!  
  
Pairings: Ask me next chapter.  
  
Rating: R, cuz little kids are insecure enough in the front seat of a car. Potty mouths, violence, and general creepiness.  
  
AN: LOL. I just read this great fanfic...so I thought I'd try something like it. Nothing Japanese involved. Sorry. And to explain this, I'm a really big pyromaniac. My motto is as follows: (to the tune of Winter Wonderland) Let it burn, let it burn, let it buuurn! Mwoooohahahaha! Right. A lot of people don't understand pyros, so this fic is dedicated to each and every pyromaniac out there: I'm so with you my peeps! Who wants to burn the tree?  
  
Pyrotechnics  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
Stranded  
  
I feel so hot.....this hurts so much. Mum...why are you burning? Hurry up! We'll be late for my graduation...Mum? This hurts so much....What happened to the freeway? It looks so red.....Turn on the AC Mum....Mum? Are you listening? Wait! Don't leave me! Please! I don't want to be alone....Are you here for me? Wait...my dad always said....stay away from the light at the end of the tunnel.....I don't want to leave! No! Go away! Leave me alone!  
  
"Sanzo? What's that red light?" Goku pointed up in the sky at a rapidly falling red orb.  
  
Sanzo looked up from the Jeep. "I have no idea."  
  
Goyjo squinted. "Wish I knew."  
  
Hakkai hit the gas. "We'll find out soon enough!"  
  
Mum? MUM! Where are you?!? I'm scared.....So cold...So cold here.....There's a shooting star! Make a wish!  
  
Sanzo looked up. "Something alive is in that thing."  
  
Goku popped up. "What makes you say that?"  
  
"Shut up stupid monkey!" Sanzo hit Goku with the paper fan. "Just trust me!"  
  
Mum? Is that you? Hello? Is anyone there? Can anyone hear me? Hello?  
  
"OH SHUT UP YOU STUPID GIRL!" A vein on Sanzo's face popped out in his exasperation.  
  
"Sanzo.....who are you talking to?" Goku tapped Sanzo on the shoulder.  
  
"Give it a minute stupid monkey." Sanzo pointed his gun at the orb, which had sped up its already rapid descent.  
  
You can hear me?  
  
Sanzo shot the orb clean through the middle. "Now maybe you'll shut up-"  
  
A female scream pierced through the still night, and the red orb broke. A young girl fell out of it, heading face first for the ground, 30 feet below.  
  
Goyjo's eyes popped out. "You shot a woman!"  
  
Hakkai hit the gas so hard even Sanzo's teeth rattled. "Hang on miss!"  
  
The girl looked down, and screamed again.  
  
"Damn sopranos." Sanzo gritted his teeth against the high pitched noise.  
  
The girl held her arms to her side and tried to turn in mid air, leaving her falling stomach first.  
  
Goyjo poked Goku. "Now would be a good time to save the woman."  
  
Goku yawned. "Alright...I'm moving!" He stuck his pole in the ground and let it grow out so he could catch the girl. "Oof...You're light.."  
  
The girl's wide blue eyes stared at him. "Is this Heaven? Or Hell? I know I deserve Hell...but can't it wait until I stop hurting?"  
  
Sanzo pointed his gun at the girl. "If you say anything else, I'll kill you."  
  
"But...I thought I was already dead....Do you know where Los Angeles is?"  
  
Sanzo hit the hammer of his wonderful gun. "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"That's where I died...didn't I?"  
  
Hakkai wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. "Come on. We'll get you something warm to eat and drink so you can think straight."  
  
The girl curled up in the back of the Jeep, the blanket around her burned clothing.  
  
"I say she's crazy." Goyjo turned to Sanzo, expecting his agreement. Instead, he was hit with the paper fan.  
  
"What she said has some basis. Girls don't light themselves on fire and walk away with only severely burned clothing. She's either dead, or she's playing a trick on us." Hakkai muttered as he climbed back in the Jeep.  
  
The girl poked her head up. "Why would I lie? I don't even know who you people are. Look. Just take me to Los Angeles so I can graduate. Then I'll be out of your hair..."  
  
"I thought I told you to shut up girl!" Sanzo pointed his gun at her.  
  
She pushed it aside with surprising ease. "Nice boys don't shoot unarmed teenage girls."  
  
Goyjo snorted. "What a great philosophy. Remind me to tell you mine someday."  
  
Sanzo shot the air twice. "Oh look. I missed."  
  
The girl smacked Sanzo's hand with his own fan. "Stop doing that! You're wasting bullets."  
  
Goku, Goyjo, Hakkai, and even Sanzo stared at her. Sanzo rubbed his hand. "That actually hurt."  
  
The girl snorted. "No shit Sherlock. Or did Watson have to help you?"  
  
Sanzo kept staring at the girl as Hakkai hit the gas and headed for the closest accommodations.  
  
-----Front gates.  
  
"Uh....Blond?"  
  
"What do you want girl?"  
  
"Um....this is a monastery."  
  
"I know that. Care to point out anything else that obvious?"  
  
"Well.....monks don't let girls in monasteries."  
  
"Your point?"  
  
"I'm noticeably female."  
  
Goyjo snorted. "A lovely sunrise of a female."  
  
The girl turned around and delivered a perfect high kick to Goyjo's head, knocking him to the ground as she slowly folded her leg in and slowly pulled it in.  
  
Hakkai whistled. "That's what I call control."  
  
"How is that control? That hurt like hell!" Goyjo spit out blood onto the ground.  
  
The girl pulled the blanket closer around her and visibly shivered, breaking her usually stoic atmosphere.  
  
Sanzo snorted. "Cold are we?"  
  
"Shut up stupid little boy."  
  
Goku started laughing. "Sanzo a little boy! That's funny!"  
  
Sanzo raised the fan to beat up the stupid monkey, and found a slippered foot in front of his face.  
  
"Don't even think about it. I'll break your neck like a twig if you try." The girl held her scissor kick position in front of Sanzo's face.  
  
"Believe her. With that kind of control, that girl could kill you with one hand." Hakkai handed Goyjo a clean cloth to wipe the blood from his mouth.  
  
"Damn. Stupid girl." Sanzo turned away and began knocking on the monastery door.  
  
The girl tucked her leg in, and tried to look as depressing as possible, brushing her blonde hair away from her face.  
  
Shaking his head at her futile attempts, Hakkai handed her a cut onion. "Try this."  
  
"Thanks." The girl held the onion under her nose for a few seconds, and then handed it back. "Can you save that for me?"  
  
Hakkai smiled. "Of course."  
  
"Good. I miss fried onion rings."  
  
What the hell was a fried onion ring? Hakkai looked at the girl with is usual smile.  
  
"You do have eggs and flour right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Grease and a big pan?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then I can make onion rings."  
  
Goku poked his head in between the two. "How can such a smelly vegetable make good food?"  
  
"How does an animal that rolls around in dirt make a really good pork roast?"  
  
".....Don't you cook it?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Will you shut up so I can negotiate for you to get in this place?" Sanzo threw a rock at the girl, who dodged it easily by folding in half. "Damn contortionist."  
  
The girl stuck her tongue out at him. Stupid monk.  
  
The heavy door opened, revealing a disgruntled old monk. "What do you want at this hour?" He looked and saw the girl. "Impossible! There is no way!"  
  
The girl stepped back. "Grandpapa?"  
  
"Oh! It is you! Oh my sweet grandchild! You are the very picture of your Grandmamma at that age."  
  
The girl smiled, and pulled an elegant curtsy. "But I thought you died Grandpapa? You had a stroke."  
  
The old monk chuckled. "Of course. Oh do come in!"  
  
Sanzo and the group stared at her. "How the hell do you know that old geezer?" Goyjo walked past her, only to be throttled by her leg.  
  
"But if you are here...this means....Oh my sweet child! Come here! Tell Grandpapa all about it."  
  
"I was riding in the Astro van with Mum on the freeway....and she swerved to take the right shoulder....and we hit the guardrail....and the next thing I knew Mum was burning and it was scorching hot......I tried to turn, but then Mum was pulled out....and they left me behind.....and the next thing I knew, I was floating....trying to find Mum." The girl burrowed her head in her Grandpapa's chest.  
  
"Poor dear. Who was the first person who heard you poppet?"  
  
"The blonde." The girl pointed her finger at Sanzo.  
  
The old monk ushered them all in. "Stay here. I'll be back in a tick."  
  
The girl sat down on the cold floor. "If Grandpapa is here....then maybe this IS Heaven....."  
  
Sanzo snorted. "I highly doubt it."  
  
Goku tugged at the girl's blanket. "Hey....What's your name?"  
  
The girl patted his head absently. "Vivi. Vivi Messer."  
  
The old monk soon returned with the head of his order. "Viviane Messer, I give you the head of this monastery Father Pirore."  
  
Vivi swept low to the ground in a curtsy, bending her knees so that her forehead touched the ground. "You honor me with your presence Father."  
  
Father Pirore blinked. "This changes things. Tell me child....have you taken any vows?"  
  
Vivi remained in her position. "I swore to follow the Covenant of Joan of Arc, like a proper Messer."  
  
Vivi's Grandpapa smiled. "Only those who swear to defend those who need defending in the Messer family take up the role of the female warrior."  
  
"True Grandpapa."  
  
Father Pirore stepped back. "A woman's place is in the home, not in the battle. So says the great Buddha."  
  
"I do not follow the great Buddha. I am French. We French follow the Catholic order."  
  
Father Pirore snorted. "Nonsense. There is nothing but Buddha's word."  
  
Vivi leaped up form her position, and grabbed one of the swords hung on the wall. "In the name of France on guard!"  
  
Sanzo and the rest stepped back from Vivi, and Sanzo coolly noted how the girl made the sword look so light, when in fact it weighed several pounds.  
  
Vivi's Grandpapa took up another, lighter sword. "As a monk of the monastery, I will not allow this disrespect! On guard!"  
  
Vivi and her Grandpapa pulled their swords up in front of their faces, then away in a warrior's salute. Vivi lunged, and her Grandpapa barely blocked. The steel flashed and clanged in the air as the two.....fenced.  
  
Father Pirore stepped away from the two. "Such violence! Really! This is not keeping with Buddha!"  
  
Vivi's Grandpapa lunged and caught some sort of chain that hung on Vivi's neck. "Warrior maiden my foot! More like a warrior rose!" He ripped away the chain, and sent it spiraling off to Sanzo's feet.  
  
"If you don't watch your back Grandpapa, someone might do this!" Vivi lashed forward and sliced off a fairly large chunk of her Grandpapa.  
  
"I concede! I concede! You are the better of us two!" He dropped his sword and fell to the ground, Vivi's sword following his movements.  
  
"I should run you through...But none the less, Grandpapa, you would have made a fine duelist. It is I who concedes to you." She handed her sword to him; handle first, with a short bow.  
  
Father Pirore looked at them. "But you won...You clearly had the advantage!"  
  
Sanzo stared at Vivi. "What the hell are you doing?"  
  
Vivi's Grandpapa took up her sword and smacked her lightly on the cheeks. "Your footwork could use a bit of polishing Viviane. Bad form!"  
  
Vivi curtseyed. "We we Grandpapa!"  
  
Goyjo stared at them. "Are you two off your rockers?"  
  
"No! That is how we French families act to each other."  
  
"So...Los Angeles is in France?" Sanzo queried from the back of the room as he leaned down and picked up the chain that had been ripped from Vivi's neck.  
  
Vivi laughed. "Paris, Marseilles, and La Havre are in Paris. New York, Boston, and Los Angeles are in the United States.....DROP IT! Drop it now!"  
  
Sanzo looked around. "What, you mean this?" He held up the medallion.  
  
Vivi strode over and snatched it from his hand. "Never ever touch a Frenchwoman's symbol of her order. Ever! Understand?"  
  
Sanzo perked a brow. "No."  
  
Vivi's Grandpapa laughed. "Oh you're in it now Viviane! Oh ho! Witnessed by an elder family member! Oh ho! Mon cheri! You are fated for the garland of flowers! Oh ho!"  
  
"Be quiet! It isn't funny Grandpapa! You can't be serious! He...he...he isn't even French! Marques would be a better match! Mon cheri my foot! Have shame Grandpapa! Have shame!"  
  
Sanzo looked from Frenchman to Frenchwoman. "I have no idea what you people are talking about. Father Pirore! I, Genjo Sanzo, request rooms for my party. Not sure if that includes the woman..."  
  
Vivi and her Grandpapa had begun speaking in rapid French, much to the admiration of Goku. Vivi's Grandpapa reached out and slapped Vivi, and let off a stream of French. Vivi bowed her head and clutched her Grandpapa's robe, apparently pleading with him about something. The older man ripped his robe out her grip and let off another stream of French, resulting in Vivi turning white as a sheet, and begging from the floor.  
  
Goku turned to Hakkai. "I wish I knew what they where saying-"  
  
"If you wish to remain a member of the Messers, you will do this Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer!"  
  
"Grandpapa! That ruins my honor!"  
  
"It will be ruined even more if you do not! Not arguments! I am capable of striking you from the records of the Messers!"  
  
Vivi let off a stream of apparent French curses. Finally, she turned to her Grandpapa. "We Grandpapa. You are right."  
  
The older man stalked over to her and gave her two kisses on each cheek. "The next time I see you, you had better have my great-grandchildren with you!"  
  
Vivi smiled. "We we Grandpapa. Now I could use a bath. Point me merci!"  
  
Her grandfather smiled. "You'll find them in time. Off off!"  
  
Vivi curtsied. She walked with as much grace as she could muster over to Sanzo's group.  
  
Goku jumped in the air. "So you are staying with us? And what was all the Viviane de stuff?"  
  
"My full title is Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer. In your language it means Viviane the lion of the lily of the Messer family. In other words, my birth name was Viviane de Lyons de Messer. Viviane the lion of the Messer family. When I became one of the Arc maids, I added de Fleur de Lis to my name, which means the lily flower. It was one of Joan of Arc's titles. Not so hard. You like French?"  
  
Goku grimaced. "Not anymore."  
  
"Ah! But it is a graceful language, good for insulting your opponents and wooing the maids. It's like wiping your ass with silk."  
  
Goyjo looked at her. "Wooing the maids?"  
  
"French term. Young women are called maids."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"We're here. Are these your largest rooms?" Sanzo cut through their discussion.  
  
"Of course Lord Sanzo!" Father Pirore bowed and waved them in. "Have a nice stay Lady Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer and Lord Genjo Sanzo. I will send one of the acolytes for your toilette lady."  
  
"You were doing very well until you said acolytes. I need no one for my toilette. And to be French right now....Lady in French is Mademoiselle. Useful term of address for someone of my station and rank we?"  
  
Father Pirore bowed. "And how shall I introduce the mademoiselle to the other monks?"  
  
"You may introduce me as Demoiselle Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer of the Order of Joan of Arc, the Warrior Maid. Got that?"  
  
"Of course." Father Pirore bowed and retreated.  
  
"Something's up for that snake to creep that low. Wonder what Grandpapa taught him French wise." She caught Sanzo staring at her and she bowed her head and took the largest room.  
  
Goyjo pounded on her door. "Oy! Come on! Be reasonable!"  
  
"I am being reasonable! A woman must be treated like a miniature goddess! So says your stupid Buddha!"  
  
Goyjo looked at Sanzo. "Is that true?"  
  
Sanzo snorted. "Actually, it is."  
  
Goyjo stomped off into his room, the smallest one.  
  
-----Vivi's room  
  
The girl sighed. I love hot water. It removes so much of the day's toils. Now let's see....Today I died, met Goyjo, Goku, Hakkai, and Sanzo....... The girl blushed at the thought of Sanzo. He's actually really cute. She shivered. What am I some helpless maiden? Think straight girl! You are an Arcadian fighter! Think! Well lessee...Sanzo has a really sweet disposition.... She snorted. Yeah right. And I'm next in line for the throne....well after Cousin Guinevere...But Sanzo is really nice! He even had the decency to pick up my medallion...If only he knew what it means.....I wonder how I can get home....What am I saying! I'm dead for crying out loud! She sighed and soaked in her bath before a low chuckle interrupted, breaking her out of her reverie.  
  
She leapt to her feet and grabbed her dagger.  
  
"Nice view."  
  
She stifled a scream and grabbed a towel, wrapping it tightly and quickly around her. She glanced around the room, trying to find the invader.  
  
"Behind you love."  
  
She whipped around, only to run headfirst into a strange woman.  
  
"HOLY SHIT! SANZO!!!!!"  
  
A heavy hand blocked her mouth. "Stop screaming! I picked you because you don't scream!"  
  
"Put her down transvestite hag or I'll shoot you."  
  
Vivi sighed. Her savior! Thank you God...wait a minute....Sanzo was a man...and her towel wrap wasn't that secure.....She gulped.  
  
"Now now. You wouldn't want to shoot your own fiancé now would you?"  
  
Vivi kicked the woman holding her as she watched Sanzo's expression turn to one of puzzlement.  
  
"Oh now don't tell me your little French girl didn't tell you?"  
  
Vivi shook her head and tried kicking the woman again.  
  
"Then I'll tell him, how about that love? But I want to see your face when I do." The woman threw Vivi to the floor.  
  
"Damn it hag! Just tell me what the fuck is going on!"  
  
The woman smiled. "Oh by the way love, my name is Kanzeon. Feel free to name me in your prayers. By voluntarily picking up the medallion thrown at your feet by her grandfather, you just proclaimed yourself her fiancé."  
  
Vivi's head hung low. "And since you don't have a patron saint medallion, I can't get out of it."  
  
Sanzo's memory clicked. Her grandfather had said something about great- grandchildren.... "So...what was all that kissing for?"  
  
"French custom. Says you bless the alliance. But the good news is: French couples seldom ever stay in the same room under these conditions!"  
  
Sanzo lowered his gun. "So what was all the screaming for?"  
  
Vivi blushed. "I thought it was a pervert..."  
  
Kanzeon snorted. "I am not a pervert. I am merely making sure that your honor is maintained."  
  
Vivi and Sanzo snorted. "Yeah right-" They stopped speaking and looked at each other.  
  
Kanzeon cackled in her annoying way. "Look! You're alike as it is!"  
  
Vivi stamped her foot. "I should challenge you for that, but as you can see, I am not properly attired for a duel."  
  
Sanzo snorted and pointed his gun at the goddess. "Go away you transvestite hag!"  
  
A vein on Kanzeon's face popped. "I am not a transvestite!"  
  
Vivi laughed from her spot on the floor. "So you are a hag?"  
  
"You little lesbian!"  
  
Vivi's eyes got big. "You...you...you....PROCURESS!"  
  
Kanzeon's face twitched. "I am not a procuress you little slut!"  
  
"I'm still a virgin! You damn dyke!"  
  
"Excuse me little girl. At least I can admit what I am bitch."  
  
"Oh that's the best you can come up with! Wait a second.....You just admitted you're a lesbian...."  
  
Kanzeon stepped back. "I did not!"  
  
Vivi wagged her finger. "We we! You did! You admitted that you are a dyke. A dyke is a lesbian."  
  
Kanzeon cursed under her breath. "I'm through with you."  
  
Vivi watched in silence as the goddess walked past, then spat in front of her.  
  
Sanzo grimaced. Bad idea. "Vivi...or whatever your name is....Kanzeon is the Goddess of Mercy."  
  
Vivi smiled softly. "I...don't...give...a shit."  
  
Kanzeon cursed and disappeared.  
  
Sanzo leaned down in front of Vivi. "Are you all right?"  
  
Vivi blushed. Damn it! Why the frick am I blushing....he is kind of cute though.... "I....I'm fine."  
  
Sanzo had heard her thoughts, but he gave no mention of it. "As you will Vivi."  
  
Vivi waited until Sanzo had left and firmly closed the door before leaping to her feet and trying to see what she could salvage from the burned remains of her clothing.  
  
Hmm....Not much left. The shoes, pants, and even the shirt are wasted! Not even suitable for kittens....that leaves me with a bra...and a pair of underwear....not even socks! Mon dieu...  
  
--------Sanzo's room  
  
I wonder if I should help her? Sanzo smoked his cigarette as he listened to the French cursing from the other room. She probably had no more clothes left. Damn women. He listened to her thoughts. Yep. No more clothes left. Not even socks? What the hell is she thinking? He got up and wandered over to the window, and saw smoke coming from Vivi's room. Shit!  
  
-------Vivi's room  
  
Sanzo burst in, only to see Vivi in her underwear hanging out of the window, burning something.  
  
"What the hell?!?!?!" Sanzo stood next to her, wondering what was wrong.  
  
"Eep! Oh my god! SANZO? Why are you here?" Vivi grabbed a blanket and hurriedly covered herself.  
  
"What's with all the smoke?"  
  
"What, you mean my pyrotechnics?"  
  
"Yes that. What's up?"  
  
"I need clothes."  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Sanzo leaned against the window, smoking another cigarette.  
  
"Never mind. I'll find it myself."  
  
Sanzo shrugged. "Just don't walk around in your...feminine....stuff."  
  
Vivi gaped after him. "Feminine stuff? That's the best you could come up with? This mon cheri is called underwear."  
  
Sanzo looked at her. "I don't care if it's a demon."  
  
Vivi sighed, and then yawned. "Great. Adieu mon cheri. Adieu."  
  
Sanzo shook his head and walked out of her room, closing the door firmly behind him.  
  
-------Dinner  
  
"So....she burns stuff." Goyjo chugged his beer.  
  
Sanzo sighed. "Apparently."  
  
Hakkai smiled. "It could be worse. She could be burning down the building."  
  
"That I would never do mon cheri." Vivi came down the stairs, still in her undies, scratching her messed up blonde hair.  
  
Goyjo leaned forward in his chair. "Hello."  
  
Sanzo closed his eyes and listened to her footsteps. They stopped somewhere behind him. Sanzo opened his eyes and saw a long pale white arm reach in front of him and grab two beers. He felt a hand in his pocket, and heard the crinkle of his cigarette pack.  
  
Vivi pulled out a cigarette with her mouth, and smacked the pack down in front of Sanzo. "Thanks mon cheri."  
  
Sanzo held up his lighter.  
  
"No thanks. I've got my own." Vivi leaned her head down to her hand, and flicked her thumb.  
  
Sitting across the room, Goku saw a flame pop out over Vivi's thumb. "Cool! A thumb shaped lighter!"  
  
Vivi looked at him as she sucked in the sweet cigarette. She waved her thumb around in the air until it went out. She then removed the cigarette from her mouth with two long, thin, pale fingers, and blew out a small cloud of smoke from her mouth. "Mon cheri, that was my thumb."  
  
Goyjo whistled. "Nice."  
  
"Die by fire, create fire." Kanzeon appeared out of the shadows. "Didn't think you would figure it out so fast girl."  
  
"What did you expect from someone named after the Lady of the Lake? Waterworks?" Vivi snorted, and continued smoking.  
  
"I could have sworn you didn't smoke. And yes I did expect waterworks as your talent." The goddess retorted.  
  
"Things change." She popped of the beer cap with her teeth and leaned against the wall as she drunk.  
  
"Could've sworn you didn't drink either. Don't force yourself Sister Viviane."  
  
"Shut the fuck up dyke." Vivi polished off her first bottle pf beer and let it fall from limp fingers.  
  
"Ah...but nuns and monks don't drink, smoke, swear, or go around indecently clad." The goddess walked over to Vivi.  
  
"Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up dyke?" Vivi held her hand close to the goddess' head.  
  
"Oh I'm so scared of the little bitty Firestarter nun. Oh look at me shiver." Kanzeon snorted.  
  
"Burn dyke." Vivi snapped her fingers next to the goddess' hair, and smiled when a thin ring of fire started on the goddess' long black hair.  
  
Sanzo stared at the goddess, and turned back to his beer.  
  
Goyjo began paying very close attention to the stain on the table. He had learned a long time ago not to mess with two women when they fought.  
  
Goku stared in wonder. "What's that awful smell?"  
  
Vivi laughed and dumped her second beer over the goddess' burning hair, adding fuel to the fire. "That would be the smell of burning hair Goku."  
  
Kanzeon disappeared.  
  
Vivi laughed and started smoking again. "Oy. Anybody got a spare jacket or something?"  
  
Sanzo snorted. "Oh you aren't comfortable enough?"  
  
"Wanna burn monk?" Vivi clenched her fist and glared at the back of his head.  
  
"Burn me and no more of these." Sanzo dangled his cigarettes behind his head.  
  
Hakkai politely refrained from looking at Vivi. "I'll ask around for you."  
  
"Thanks mon cheri." Vivi reached for another beer.  
  
Sanzo got up and left.  
  
Goku watched him leave. "Wonder what's up with him?"  
  
Vivi lounged in his vacant chair, and drank her beer. "Maybe he's PMSing."  
  
Hakkai and Goyjo started laughing.  
  
Vivi smiled, but on the inside she started crying. He can't stand to be near me....I'm only doing this shit because he does.....  
  
------Sanzo's room  
  
What the hell is wrong with that girl? Is she so lonely she has to break her own vows? He clenched a bullet. But not just any bullet. The bullet he had shot her with that had fallen to the ground. He sighed and lit a cigarette. This is going to be a long day.  
  
------Next morning in Vivi's room  
  
"Miss Vivi? Are you feeling alright?" Hakkai knocked softly on the door, Goyjo and Goku listeneing in through the door.  
  
"Go away you d-" A retching sound could be heard from within.  
  
Goyjo snickered. "Guess the woman can't take her six beers."  
  
Sanzo listened in from his door into her room. Maybe I should go help her...  
  
Vivi sat up from the edge of her bed. "This is just sick." She rinsed her mouth out, with what else but beer. She had begun to take on a drunken look. She was drunk. Beer bottles littered her floor, along with cast off robes and pants. "Go away dyke!"  
  
Kanzeon looked at her. "I told you to go easy on the beer. I can't even walk across this floor. How long have you been at this?"  
  
Vivi gave her a glazed smile. "Nice wig. Five hours give or take."  
  
Kanzeon quickly counted bottles. "That's forty empty and three more full. This is not a good way to deal with depression."  
  
Vivi got up from her bed and pulled on a large robe, tying it up with a scrap of fabric so it formed a sort of kimono. "It works for me. I need more beer." She wrenched open her door, and left it open as she went to acquisition more beer from the kitchens.  
  
Hakkai, Goku, and Goyjo poked their heads in her room.  
  
Goyjo whistled. "For a nun she sure packs it away!"  
  
Hakkai frowned. "This is what you call a religious person forcing themselves to take alcohol."  
  
Goku tried counting bottles. "That's a lot of beer. Not even Sanzo can drink that much!"  
  
Kanzeon frowned. "She's storing this up for something. Fuel maybe?"  
  
Sanzo walked in the hallway, but paused when he saw all the beer bottles. "Where'd she go?"  
  
"Right here." Vivi carried two large crates of beer on her shoulders as if it was nothing. "Move it or help."  
  
Goyjo looked at the crates and whistled. "How much beer is in those?"  
  
Vivi smiled her drunken smile. "Sixty per. Excuse me while I stockpile."  
  
Sanzo blocked her path. "You're a nun right?"  
  
Vivi snorted. "Yeah."  
  
"You don't feel sick in the slightest?" Sanzo leaned against the doorway.  
  
"Not for what I need it for. Check this out. Burn!" A pile of robes caught on fire, and blazed merrily until Vivi whistled. "Took six bottles that."  
  
Kanzeon looked at her. "You're using beer instead of your will?"  
  
Vivi looked at her. "You see more colors that way."  
  
Kanzeon felt her forehead. "Colors? Like as in fire colors?"  
  
Vivi closed her eyes. "Yeah."  
  
"Drop the crates now. Don't touch anything." Kanzeon gave her a pointed look.  
  
Vivi sighed. "Whatever." She let the crates slowly fall to the floor.  
  
"Vomit." Kanzeon ordered.  
  
"Excuse moi?" Vivi looked at the goddess.  
  
Kanzeon kneed her in the stomach with all her godly power.  
  
Vivi gagged, ran over to her window, and puked up a thin stream of blood. "What the fuck?"  
  
Kanzeon handed her a small bag. "Eat that until your vomit turns regular. Anymore alcohol sprees like that and you could change. Trust me. That is not a good thing."  
  
Vivi fell over to the floor, turning pale white.  
  
"Damn! When did she start drinking alcohol?"  
  
"Ten last night." Hakkai felt Vivi's wrist for a pulse and was surprised when she burned his fingers.  
  
"That would be ten hours ago?"  
  
Hakkai nodded and healed himself.  
  
"Then it's up to her. If I were you, I would clean this place up and put her in a stone room. A room with nothing but stone. Metal will melt."  
  
Goyjo looked at Hakkai. "How the hell do we do that?"  
  
"Potholders." The goddess made her last remark before she faded away.  
  
Goyjo looked at the empty air. "Potholders. Where do we get potholders?"  
  
-----Stone room  
  
Mum? Mum? Are you there? I feel so hot.....this hurts so much. Mum...why are you burning? Hurry up! We'll be late for my graduation...Mum? This hurts so much....What happened to the freeway? It looks so red.....Turn on the AC Mum....Mum? Are you listening? Wait! Don't leave me! Please! I don't want to be alone....Are you here for me? Wait...my dad always said....stay away from the light at the end of the tunnel.....I don't want to leave! No! Go away! Leave me alone! Mum? MUM! Where are you?!? I'm scared.....So cold...So cold here.....There's a shooting star! Make a wish! I wish...I wish...I wish... I wish that I could control fire.....and I wish....I wish... I wish I could stay with Sanzo forever. Sanzo? Sanzo? Are you there? Please come save me.....So cold.....so cold....All the pretty colors......I wonder what they mean.....I wonder if I could stay here forever? I wonder if Sanzo can see this......  
  
Vivi lay on a cold stone table in the prayer room in the monastery. Her hair and clothes had already burned to cinders, leaving her a glowing naked body in an empty stone room. She hissed, drew in breath, and sat up.  
  
With a weary groan, she tried speaking. "Sanzo? Sanzo? Sanzo...."  
  
She fell down again, the room starting to be bathed with colorful fires.  
  
------Sanzo's room  
  
Sanzo hissed in his sleep. I can hear you...but can you hear me? Why the hell are you ranting on and on about fire? It's just fire. There's nothing special about it. It burns, kills, destroys. What good does fire have?  
  
-----Stone room  
  
Vivi smiled softly. Let me show you. Fire keeps you warm in the winter Sanzo saw a freezing child smile when his father lit a fire. It keeps away wild animals Sanzo saw a hunter wave a burning branch at a wild cat who apparently wanted to eat the hunter. It warms a woman's heart with her first child Sanzo saw a cold-hearted woman smile when she saw her baby. It gives us passion, life, and so many wonderful things in our lives. Sanzo saw every aspect of life he had taken for granted as everyday (i.e.: the making of beer). What is a cigarette without the fire to burn it? What is beer if it is not warm enough to become alcohol? What is a warm log cabin without the fire to warm it? Now do you see? Without Fire, Water, Metal, Wood, and Earth, man is nothing. We are nothing without the elements to make us what we are.....  
  
Vivi sat up, soft fiery hair replacing her coarse blonde hair. Her blue eyes wheeled with the colors of all fire, and she was clothed in a bright red sixteenth century French dress. "Sanzo?"  
  
--------Sanzo's room  
  
Sanzo sat up on his bed, the temperature cold as ice. Yet he was sweating as he hauled himself down to the designated sort of living room.  
  
He yawned before he opened the door, and was surprised to find a strange red, blue, brown, grey, and green tattoo going up his arm in five coiling dragons, leaving their tails on the back of his hand. As he stared, the dragons slid into a smaller bunch, leaving nothing visible outside of his sleeve. He snorted as he opened the door.  
  
Vivi had walked in a blind state, unaware of where she was heading. Her fiery hair flowed out behind her, little tongues of flame tasting the still air. Her fire eyes wheeled as she ran straight into Sanzo.  
  
Damn girl. Sanzo thought to himself.  
  
Vivi heard his remark and began crying. I should just go home.....He's so mean...  
  
Their emotions overlapped, Sanzo and Vivi feeling each other's contempt. They fell to the floor crying fire and salt water.  
  
In that way, Hakkai found them later, curled up in Sanzo's open doorway like puppies. He smiled, and lifted Sanzo to his bed, then Vivi to hers (carefully avoiding the fire hair).  
  
-------Next morning  
  
"Sanzo! This is boring! I wanna go somewhere!" Goku whined as usual from his seat, rewarding him a smack with the fan.  
  
Goyjo laughed. "I hate to admit it, but this is rather boring. Oy, what happened to that girl?"  
  
Vivi came down the stairs softly and quietly. "Boo."  
  
Goku and Goyjo jumped out of their chairs. Goyjo pointed a finger at her. "Make some sort of noise woman!"  
  
Vivi smiled a ghost smile. "I did. I said boo."  
  
Goyjo waved his finger around in her direction. "Drop a plate or something! Don't just pop up and say boo!"  
  
Hakkai politely laughed in his chair. "I say we should move on."  
  
Sanzo coughed. "Staying or coming woman?"  
  
Vivi locked his eyes with her fire ones. Softly, as she did everything now, she whispered out her answer. "Coming."  
  
Kanzeon popped into existence yet again. "Feeling better Viviane?"  
  
"So that's what I forgot...."  
  
Kanzeon looked at her. "You know you have fire for eyes and hair now right?"  
  
Vivi gave another ghost smile. "Yes."  
  
Goku touched her hair. "Hey! It doesn't burn!"  
  
Vivi laughed softly. "Try now."  
  
Goku put his hand two inches closer to her hair, and then drew it back. "It's hot!"  
  
Kanzeon sighed. "That's what fire does. Burns."  
  
Goku blew on his fingers. "But you didn't have to burn ME!"  
  
Vivi gently examined Goku's fingers. "You're fine. Stop complaining."  
  
Hakkai held a green-glowing hand over Goku's fingers. "There's nothing wrong with you except shock."  
  
Kanzeon snorted. "There is a technical name for people like you Viviane."  
  
Vivi regarded the goddess with cold, calculating eyes. "What?"  
  
Kanzeon smiled wickedly. "Technically, Vivi...you're no longer a human. The gods call people like you...HUO LONGS!"  
  
Sanzo snorted. "And we're supposed to care because...?"  
  
Kanzeon cackled as she faded away. "Farewell, Lady Huo Long."  
  
Vivi fell to the floor on her knees. "Hou Long? I'm a Hou Long?"  
  
Hakkai patted her back. "Don't worry. It'll be alright in the end."  
  
Goku scratched his head. "What's a Hou Long?"  
  
Goyjo sighed. "Stupid monkey. Don't even know mythology."  
  
Vivi looked at Goku. "Hou Long, Jin Long, Shui Long, Mu Long, and Tu Long. Fire dragon, metal dragon, water dragon, wood dragon, and earth dragon. The five principle dragon guardians of the elements. Each dragon controls their main element. They follow the principles of their key elements, and also follow the principles of Fung Shui. This means that fire beats metal, metal beats wood, wood beats earth, and water beats fire. Wood gives power to fire, fire to earth, earth to metal, metal to water, water to wood. Don't ask."  
  
Hakkai golf-clapped. "Very good. You know your Chinese dragons very well."  
  
Goyjo stood up. "If you're Hou Long, and I'm half kappa, will you die if I touch you?"  
  
Vivi conjured a large fire ball. "Pervert!" She chucked it at him, a vein on her face popping out as he ran around the room, his butt on fire.  
  
Goku laughed and pointed. "Hey look! The cockroach is dancing!"  
  
Sanzo shot the ceiling four times. "Oh look. I missed."  
  
Vivi rolled her eyes and mimicked his general attitude. She lounged on a couch, still mimicking Sanzo. At his glare, she stopped. "This is boring as hell. I say we go somewhere."  
  
Sanzo pointed his gun at her. "Who the hell said you could come?"  
  
Vivi suddenly jumped up from her languid position, and got a grip on the ceiling with her feet and hands. She hissed, her hair exploding in her sudden anger. "Who the hell said I couldn't come?"  
  
Hakkai stopped smiling. "Sanzo, that isn't a good idea. This is a WOODEN room, and that thing up there, is a HUO LONG. This means she will survive, we will roast alive."  
  
Goyjo finally doused his butt torch with a vase, flowers and all. "That doesn't sound appealing. There are no women! I need a woman around!"  
  
Vivi conjured another fire ball from her overhead position. "You really are a pervert aren't you?"  
  
Goyjo held his hand up in a submissive gesture. "I swear, I'm weaning myself off female dependence."  
  
Vivi's vein popped out again. "That isn't much insurance."  
  
Just before the girl could chuck the fire ball at Goyjo, the door creaked open to admit Father Pirore. "Mademoiselle, your grandfather wishes for a small audience with you. Now."  
  
Vivi dropped off the ceiling and extinguished the fire ball. "Shit." She walked softly out of the room, for a private conference with her grandfather.  
  
-----Three hours later, outside monastery  
  
"Took a while for her to get back." Goyjo leaned out of the back of the Jeep, waiting for Vivi to hurry up and get in the damned Jeep.  
  
"Sorry I took so long. French is not a fast language to discuss in." She hopped neatly into the back of the Jeep, forcing Goyjo to relinquish his prime spot.  
  
Sanzo sighed. "Whatever. Are you done now?"  
  
Vivi started playing with a small ball of fire. "Yeah." She made the ball of fire bigger, and kept playing.  
  
Hakkai hit the gas, and stopped paying attention to his rear view mirror.  
  
Goku and Goyjo set to fighting, and Vivi sat there, calm and collected as she kept amking the damn fire ball bigger.  
  
Finally, she stood up and chucked it straight at the monastery, letting it catch on fire. "Adieu Grandpapa! God speed straight to hell!"  
  
Sanzo caught her just as she fell backwards crying fire. He had a vague thought, but brushed it away. I think I like this girl....  
  
Vivi sobbed regular tears into Sanzo's spacious robe, her hair falling away from her neck to show her medallion.  
  
Sanzo absentmindedly stroked her hair, trying to calm her down.  
  
Vivi held to her own thoughts. No matter how I live here, the only way I can go back home is to die of old age. I'm officially stranded here. I'm stranded with....Sanzo....  
  
AN: This is the chapter that never ends.....and it goes on and on my friend. Actually, this just ended. Yes. That was the longest chapter known to man on FF.net, at 22 pages. 23 if you count the AN. And just think, this is not a one-shot. This means that there will be more chapters just like this! Huzzah! 


	2. Frozen Devotion

Summary: {Chapter 2} Trail and error leaves Vivi with more knowledge than she could ever want about herself.  
  
Disclaimer: For the last bloody flippin time....I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING RELATED TO GENSOMADEN SAIYUKI!!! GRRRR!!!!!!! Ahem. Yes I'm crazy.  
  
Pairings: Let's see...Oh I know! This is an Oc/Kanzeon fic! I'm kidding. Really. This is an Oc/Sanzo fic. I was just messing with you. I swear. Pelted by tomatoes Ow! Stop that! It tickles!  
  
Rating: R, cuz little kids are insecure enough in the front seat of a car. Potty mouths, violence, and general creepiness.  
  
AN: Hmm.....someone read this...wow.....Well! As requested! All poetry in this belongs to.....me! Here we go! Sorry, I couldn't resist the urge to put something in here. Well, at least now we know what I listen to while writing fics. Oh...I apologize for my interesting sense of humor. That comes into play in around......Five seconds.  
  
Chapter 2:  
  
Frozen Devotion  
  
It had been two months since the Sanzo party had come to include the Hou Long Vivi. She already had a sizeable fan club, full of.....boys and perverts. Vivi had adopted a sort of Hakkai-ish attitude around her fans, and turned down no request. Even one for poetry.  
  
Sanzo sighed. Why the hell would anyone want her to write poetry? She's a Hou Long, not a damned scholar or a monk!  
  
Vivi nibbled on her favorite pen. A fan had sent it to her. It was black, but when you held it in the light, a changing flame pattern appeared. An elegant red lacquered dragon was coiled around its shell, and the ink was blood red. "Sanzo...I need a subject."  
  
Sanzo tried to keep from yawning. What the hell does this have to do with me? "Ask Hakkai or something."  
  
Vivi had taken to retreating to Sanzo's room whenever the fans got weird. "That's not helping."  
  
Sanzo leaned back in his chair and lit a cigarette. "Death. Or faith. Pick one woman."  
  
Vivi smiled. "Both! Kill two birds with one stone!"  
  
Sanzo shrugged. "Whatever you want woman."  
  
-------Morning  
  
Sanzo found Vivi hunched over her poem, asleep at his desk. He smiled softly, and eased the paper out from under her arm. "Well. I wonder what she wrote."  
  
Faith Every night I play a game,  
  
A game called faith.  
  
I pray to something to let me die,  
  
But this faith,  
  
It's too hard,  
  
It will never let me die.  
  
So in the end there's only a simple girl,  
  
Hoping for the freedom that she will never get.  
  
I'm about to die,  
  
Won't you please keep my faith?  
  
A young girl's faith in death,  
  
That was the game I played.  
  
Sanzo blinked. Deep meaning to that. Even though it follows no form whatsoever.  
  
Vivi yawned as she got up, working the kinks out of her muscles. "Do you think she'll like it?"  
  
Sanzo looked at her. "This is for a girl?"  
  
"Umhmm. A fan asked me to write something for him to give to his girlfriend. I know who his girlfriend is too. She keeps trying to work up the nerve to talk to me. At the rate this is going, I'll take her out for tea so she'll leave me alone." Vivi had gotten up and pulled the paper down from in front of Sanzo's face. "Do you think she'll like it?"  
  
Sanzo nodded. "It'll do."  
  
Vivi smiled softly. "I hoped so."  
  
Sanzo walked out of the room, holding his oddly tattooed arm.  
  
--------------Road  
  
"Sanzo! Are we there yet?"  
  
"This isn't a field trip you stupid monkey!"  
  
Vivi smiled. "This is boring. Let's liven it up a bit....Heehee. MWOOOHAHAHAHA!" Vivi held her hands close together with her fingers spread stiffly out. She twitched her fingers, and an immense fire ball appeared. "Hou Long special!" She flung the ball into the air, and used her creepy Hou Long powers to make it look like a snaky dragon. She flipped into the air and landed neatly on its back. "MWOOOHAHAHAHAHA!" She let the dragon take on movement, and infused it with her own personality.  
  
Goku and Goyjo cheered. "Awesome Vivi-san!" "Yatta! So cool!"  
  
Hakkai let the Jeep take its own course. "Race you to that rock formation!"  
  
Vivi smiled. "You're on little man!"  
  
Sanzo snorted. Don't hurt yourself!  
  
Vivi stopped smiling. I won't. Worrywart.  
  
Sanzo held up his fan. "Everybody stop!"  
  
Vivi landed her fiery dragon. "What?"  
  
"When the fan falls, go for it."  
  
Hakkai and Vivi nodded. "Right!"  
  
Vivi leaned forward. I wish...for just one moment...I could fly on my own..... Her dragon roared, and scratched the ground.  
  
Hakkai smiled his speed smile.  
  
Goku and Goyjo looked at each other and clung on tight. "Nooooo!"  
  
Sanzo dropped the fan.  
  
Vivi kneed her dragon, and off they went. She felt the wind in her face, and she smiled as her dragon gained the lead over the Jeep. Faster! Faster! I want to really fly! Her dragon began to glow, and in an instant, the flames extinguished, leaving Vivi traveling forward, and down, at 95 mph.  
  
Sanzo stood up in the Jeep. "She's going to die if she falls from that height! GOKU!"  
  
Goku stood up. "I can't catch her! She's moving to fast!"  
  
Hakkai hit the gas in desperation.  
  
Sanzo grabbed the front window. The arm with tattoos burned for some reason, and the dragons themselves started moving off his arm. The red dragon and the blue dragon took the head position, twining around themselves in a sort of curlicue. He winced as the dragons flew off his arm. Tattoos where supposed to stay tattoos.  
  
Vivi felt something in the corner of her mind. A distant, nagging sense of something very important. She looked at the ground rising in front of her, and leaned her body in an instinctual position. She felt something in her change....and she gritted her teeth for the impact.  
  
Sanzo grabbed the dragons before anyone else could see them and stuffed them back up his sleeve. Do something girl!  
  
Vivi fell forward at an alarming rate of speed, so much she began to catch on fire. She squinted her eyes as she plunged. At the last moment, she shot out her legs and used her momentum to rise again. She smiled, and a ripping pain in her shoulders caught her attention.  
  
Hakkai spun the Jeep to avoid a large rock. He glanced up, and saw that Vivi was, 1) glowing, 2) growing wings, and 3) still moving at 95 mph, and getting faster.  
  
Goku stared in awe. Vivi-san was so cool....  
  
Goyjo couldn't help thinking one thing: She looked exactly like a dragon.  
  
Sanzo gritted his teeth and fought a war against his own tattoos. He watched Vivi, and silently wished she could have her dream of flying on her own.  
  
Vivi felt the joints in her fingers pop and crackle as her fingers grew claws. Her mouth ached when she bit down, so she let her jaw hang loose. She could feel her wings...hell....she could move them on her own! Sanzo! Look! I'm flying!  
  
Sanzo looked up at her soaring figure, and actually smiled. Good for you Vivi. Good for you.  
  
---------Later  
  
It was pouring outside of the cozy tent. Vivi had lit a fire with her Hou Long skills. Sanzo watched her as she wrung out her now blonde hair. "This reminds me of my favorite song."  
  
Goyjo (eager to please the young woman), cocked his head. "Sing it then."  
  
Vivi rolled her eyes. "Sure."  
  
Cold: Year of the Spider: Rain Song  
  
"When it rains,  
  
I don't mind  
  
Let me stand here own light  
  
Did she take her own life?  
  
Let me know she's all right.  
  
And every time it rains  
  
I feel her hold in me  
  
And every time it rains,  
  
All the angels cry end  
  
I'll stay strong  
  
I'll be fine,  
  
Carry on with my life.  
  
I'll still stare at the sky,  
  
Pray for rain all the time.  
  
Why'd you run?  
  
Did you hide?  
  
Why'd you leave, no goodbye?  
  
When the clouds leave the sky,  
  
Does a soul give you life?  
  
And every time it rains  
  
I feel her hold in me  
  
And every time it rains,  
  
All the angels cry end  
  
And every time it rains  
  
I feel her hold in me.  
  
And every time it rains,  
  
All the angels cry for me.  
  
I'll never be the same  
  
But I  
  
I'll never be the same,  
  
Be the same,  
  
Be the same.  
  
And every time it rains  
  
I feel her hold in me  
  
And every time it rains,  
  
All the angels cry end  
  
And every time it rains  
  
I feel her hold in me.  
  
And every time it rains,  
  
All the angels cry end"  
  
Goku stopped eating. "That was a sad song."  
  
Vivi snorted. "Sounds better with guitars, drums, and an acoustic system."  
  
Hakkai wiped away a small tear. "That was beautiful"  
  
"It reminds me of my sister. She drowned herself in the middle of a rainstorm. Ironically, I burned alive." Vivi leaned back against the rock that formed one side of their shelter.  
  
Sanzo started watching the rain. "You are a sadistic woman. Did you know that?"  
  
Vivi left through the other side of the tent.  
  
Goyjo looked at Sanzo. "You have no skills with women whatsoever."  
  
Sanzo beat him on the head. Vivi....you all right? Vivi? Answer me dammit!  
  
Vivi stood in the pouring rain, awe on her pretty face. "Shui Long...." She screamed, her soprano voice breaking through everyone's reverie.  
  
-------------Morning  
  
"Damn! I can't find her!" Sanzo had been searching, alone, for Vivi for quite some time now.  
  
Goyjo put an arm around Sanzo's neck. "Girl problems? I can help you know."  
  
Sanzo clicked the hammer of his gun and put it to Goyjo's head. "Shut up."  
  
A single raindrop fell from the sky. From it stretched up a beautiful woman with pale blue hair and blue eyes. "Looking for my sister?"  
  
Sanzo stepped back. "Your sister?!?!"  
  
The woman put a cold hand on Sanzo's face. "You're pretty. Tell me you're a pretty boy and I'll let you see her."  
  
Goyjo opened his mouth to say something, but Sanzo pointed the gun at him.  
  
Sanzo grimaced. "Bishounen desu."  
  
Goyjo fell to the ground. Sanzo had just said that he was a pretty boy....Wow. That's devotion.  
  
The woman smiled. "Yes you are aren't you?" She snapped her fingers and a puddle nearby shimmered. "Look in there."  
  
Sanzo looked at her angrily. "I thought we had a deal."  
  
The woman laughed. "But I never said I would let you see her personally."  
  
Sanzo looked in the puddle, and his eyes opened wide in shock. There she was. Vivi. Screaming as water repeatedly lashed her, raising steam. "Let her go!"  
  
The woman grabbed him close and kissed him. "You're my element. She doesn't deserve you! Never!"  
  
Sanzo shot the woman, and coldly slapped her away. "Give her back."  
  
The woman hissed. "NEVER!" A tree behind her moved. "Mu Long! Stay out of this!"  
  
The tree broke, revealing a small boy with brown hair, and green eyes. "The balance is destroyed. Metal and fire are out of place. Tu Long is threatening all out war on you Shui Long. Hou Long is to be let go at once. You are overruled Shui Long."  
  
The woman gritted her teeth. "I will not let that freak roam this place! Do you know what she did at my funeral? She laughed! Laughed at me, her elder sister! She just stood there and laughed her heart out! She's evil!"  
  
Sanzo looked straight at Shui Long. "I don't think she is."  
  
Shui Long whipped around. "You're supposed to be on my side!"  
  
Mu Long waved his hand, and the puddle was held by a wooden bowl. "Let her go freely or it's open war."  
  
Shui Long slapped Sanzo. "I could have given you everything! Immortality! Godhood!"  
  
Kanzeon popped up. "He's already had that. Let Hou Long go. I have here in my hand a declaration of war from Heaven to the Longs if you do not cease this disorder."  
  
Goyjo brandished his metal staff. "For once I'm glad to see you."  
  
Shui Long vanished, the puddle stretching up.  
  
Vivi fell forward, a shocked and frightened expression on her face. "Sanzo..."  
  
Sanzo lunged forward to grab her, and she gripped his dragon arm with an untold strength. He could feel one of his tattoos leaving him.  
  
Vivi held up her arm, displaying a red dragon. "What is this?"  
  
Mu Long held a green glowing hand over her. "You'll be better soon. But that little thing...hm...That appears to be an elemental mastery tattoo. Interesting for a monk to have one."  
  
Vivi smiled before falling over. "I'm just glad....it's over."  
  
Mu Long smiled. "She's a fighter."  
  
Kanzeon grinned. "She'll need it for this battle."  
  
Mu Long nodded as he faded into the tree. "Especially then."  
  
Kanzeon waved a hand over Vivi's open eyes. "She'll recover....eventually."  
  
Sanzo snorted. "That's a comfort."  
  
Kanzeon stood up and walked away. "Of course it is." She disappeared.  
  
Sanzo held Vivi's fire-free form close to him. "Pity...."  
  
Goyjo watched in silence. She was going to be all mine....All mine.... He gently walked off, leaving the two alone.  
  
---------Twenty minutes later  
  
"Sanzo?" Vivi dabbled her feet in a spring.  
  
"Umm?" Sanzo stood nearby, supposedly keeping guard.  
  
"What did she tell you? My sister I mean." She traced the path of a leaf on the water's edge.  
  
Sanzo looked up at the clear sky. "I don't know what you could possibly mean."  
  
Vivi let tears fall down into the clear water. "My sister has an ISSUE with me. I laughed at her funeral. I admit it. I had tried to bring her pet hamster to her funeral so it could say goodbye. Said hamster escaped from my pocket and started running all over me. Thus, making me laugh at a somber occasion."  
  
Sanzo snorted. "So that is the extension of your sisterly love. You brought her hamster to her funeral. Wow. That is just deep and significant."  
  
"Shut up. I was six years old."  
  
Sanzo perked a brow. "So how old are you now?"  
  
Caught up in the discussion, she didn't catch the trap. "Seventeen."  
  
Sanzo noticed her tears, and sat down beside her. "I'm twenty-five."  
  
Vivi leaned her head up against his shoulder. "At least you aren't thirty- five."  
  
"I'm eight years your senior."  
  
"So? You're point is? My cousin Guinevere is dating a guy fifteen years her senior."  
  
Sanzo looked at her. "What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
Vivi snuggled up under Sanzo's arm. "She's twenty-five."  
  
Sanzo did a bit of math in his head. "That's sick! She's dating a guy who's forty?!?!?!"  
  
"He's balding, has serious gas, snaggleteeth, piggy little eyes, and he is dirt poor. She's in it for love." Vivi closed her eyes, and listened to the birds.  
  
Sanzo had noticed her last comment. "For love huh?"  
  
Vivi made no sound. She was out of everything.  
  
------------Present day and world (in other words Earth in 2004)  
  
"Viviane! Oh thank goodness you're all right! I thought you had died!" A strawberry blonde hugged Vivi's body, lifting her up from the starched white hospital bed.  
  
"Sanzo?" Vivi managed to mumble out a single word.  
  
"What's a Sanzo? Oh well! I bring you greetings and salutations from everyone online. Good God! I never thought you would end up in the hospital!" The red head scratched her head. "Some weird seniors from our school came by to see you. The nurses flipped out. They were way cute though."  
  
Vivi tried to get up. "What kind of seniors? Did they tell you their names?"  
  
The red head smiled wickedly. "What a pleasant discussion this is. The blond called himself Konzen. The sexy red head said his name was Kenren. The cute little kid was Goku. The freaky lady that came with them said her name was Kanzeon. The sexy mysterious one didn't say anything. Um! If I could get my hands on whoever messed with your van I'll-"  
  
"You'll do what? Pop em in the face?" A blond man leaned in the doorway, and looked quite a bit like Sanzo, complete with dragon tattoos and an eternal scowl. "Leave it to us. Well look who's finally up. Kenren! Goku! Hurry up already!"  
  
Kenren came sauntering in, carrying a large box. "This isn't no lightweight present. Could you have at least gotten her something less expensive?"  
  
Goku struggled with his box. "I can't see!"  
  
Konzen popped Kenren in the head. "Who said I bought it? My aunt did!"  
  
Vivi struggled not to laugh, and politely held her hand in front of her mouth delicately. "Lemme guess, you bought a computer."  
  
Konzen smiled. "We thought it might be a nice thing. We've got extended leave from aunt to do this."  
  
Vivi smiled, and tried not to yawn. "I'm so tired..." She fell backwards.  
  
"Shit! She's back in it again!" Konzen grabbed her and shook her by the shoulders. "Wake up dammit!"  
  
------Saiyuki world  
  
Sanzo shook her by her shoulders. "Wake up dammit!"  
  
Vivi opened her eyes. "What happened?"  
  
Hakkai passed a green glowing hand over her head. "You passed out."  
  
Goku looked at her. "Who's Konzen?"  
  
Vivi gave him a blank look. "Who?"  
  
"You keep saying that whenever you fall asleep."  
  
Kanzeon chose to pop up, again. "I should think you would."  
  
Vivi gave her a blank look. "Auntie?"  
  
"In this world, no. In your world, yes. But only to the boys, not you."  
  
"Did I miss something here?" Goyjo tried lighting his cigarette.  
  
Kanzeon gave him an evil glare. "In your world, they resurrected your body. You aren't dead."  
  
"I'm not dead?"  
  
"No. But the time may come when you must choose one world or the other. By the way, when you are here, your body is in a permanent vegetative state."  
  
"I'm in a coma?"  
  
"Yes. You could say that."  
  
"Nifty." Vivi fell back down, her eyes glazed over.  
  
-------Present  
  
"Hey! Am I good or what! Vivi! If you do that again, I'll smack you!" The red head girl put down the empty pitcher.  
  
Kenren looked at her in awe. "That was sexy."  
  
"I know right! By the way, I'm her cousin Guinevere."  
  
"Kenren Taisho. Nice to meet you." Kenren kissed her outstretched hand.  
  
Konzen handed Vivi a towel. "Hey....who's Sanzo? Some boyfriend of yours I should know about?"  
  
"Um? Sanzo? You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
  
"Sure I would. Try me." Konzen pulled a chair around, and sat in it backwards.  
  
"Later....when I'm not so tired..." Vivi flopped down, her eyes glazed over.  
  
---------------Saiyuki world  
  
"You need a stabilizer or something. You can't keep doing this." Kanzeon stood over Vivi's body, a bucket in her hand.  
  
"But it's interesting." Vivi struggled to sit up. "What do you mean choose?"  
  
"People like you can't exist in two worlds that have an equal claim over you. You'd have to die in one of the two worlds."  
  
"How fun. I can't just turn my back on everyone I know."  
  
Kanzeon slapped her. "Hou Long! Make up your mind!"  
  
Sanzo looked at her. "Which version do you like better?"  
  
Vivi looked at him. "What?"  
  
"Which version of the world do you like better?"  
  
Vivi looked at him, hate in her eyes. "Whichever one I can be myself in."  
  
Sanzo stood up and walked away.  
  
Vivi felt her heart break, and she calmly laid down. "If I die in both worlds.....what happens?"  
  
Kanzeon kissed her forehead. "You go to the realm of the dragons, your home."  
  
Sanzo eavesdropped on Vivi's thoughts. I want to go home....I'm sorry Sanzo. I love you!  
  
Vivi held Kanzeon's hand as she guided the loaned knife to her throat. "Kanzeon. Do me a favor?"  
  
Kanzeon looked at her. "What?"  
  
"Don't tell him where I went."  
  
Kanzeon nodded. "I'll leave you to it." She disappeared.  
  
Sanzo came back. "I do....kind of....love you."  
  
Vivi smiled. "I know. But I'm not meant for you."  
  
Sanzo pulled her into a standing position, and kissed her. "Want me to do it?"  
  
"I die with honor." She stabbed herself in her stomach as she leaned on his shoulder.  
  
Sanzo felt himself make a tragic decision. No matter what, he would find her again and make her happy. He laid her down and put a blanket over her dead body.  
  
-----------Present  
  
Vivi woke up with a stifled scream.  
  
Konzen grabbed her. "You all right?"  
  
"There's something I need to tell you."  
  
Konzen leaned back, and waved everyone else out of the room with a glare. "I'm all ears."  
  
Vivi closed her eyes, and concentrated on the feeling she had begun to master in the Saiyuki world. When her eyes snapped open again, they were no longer a merry blue. They had changed to fire. Vivi put her hand to Konzen's face, and told him everything.  
  
------Three hours later  
  
"So you're saying that there's another me, and his name is Sanzo?" Konzen smoked one of his many cigarettes.  
  
"Yes. That's pretty much all of it." Vivi reached for her suitcase. "My hair is a mess! God! Pass the hairdryer and the brush?"  
  
Konzen cheerfully obliged. "You do look awful with that wet hair."  
  
"Haha." Vivi got up and went into her allotted bathroom and plugged in the hair dryer. She ran a bathtub full of water, and flicked on the hairdryer. She took a deep breath and stepped in the tub, laid down, and lat the hairdryer fall.  
  
Konzen stood in the doorway. "No matter what Vivi...I'll find you again....and I'll kill that bastard Sanzo."  
  
-------------Courtyard  
  
Vivi landed with a thump into her new home, the world of the Longs. She took a deep breath, and found it constricted by a choker. She felt for it, and whistled.  
  
"Someone would tell you that that's unladylike. But not me. Welcome to Longland Hou Long." A young man stood in the shadows, his gray kimono matching his pale gray hair. His eyes shimmered like copper, and held little bubbles of more gray.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Vivi stepped back in surprise.  
  
"I am Jin Long. The Long Wang wish to speak to you." Jin long handed her a mirror. "In case you were wondering what you look like."  
  
Vivi gracefully took a brief look at herself. "Oh God! I'm gorgeous!"  
  
Jin Long bowed. "Of course. There are four Long Wang you need to deal with. Brief history lesson here: Long Wang or Dragon King, in Chinese religion, is king of the dragons and ruler of the waters. Chinese dragons are traditionally regarded as water creatures, and in Chinese astronomy the appearance of the Dragon constellation was supposed to herald the rainy season. There are traditionally four principal Long Wang, each governing one of the four oceans of the world. The four brothers Ao Kuang, Ao Jun, Ao Shun, and Ao Chi' in serve the highest deity in Chinese religion, the Jade Emperor. Each lives in a crystal palace and together they rule over armies of aquatic creatures who police the ocean depths."  
  
Vivi raised an eyebrow. "I know Fung Shui...but I have never heard of that."  
  
Jin Long smiled. "I should hope not. Before I forget, we don't just have Long here."  
  
Vivi raised her eyebrow higher. "Beg pardon? Explain."  
  
Jin Long gave a short bow. "Of course Hou Long. Here, we have the Eight Immortals. And they are: (1) Zhongli Quan, a fat hermit who knows the secrets to longevity and holds a feather fan with which he can revive the dead; (2) Zhangguo Lao, an elderly man with the power of invisibility, who rides a white donkey and beats a bamboo tube drum to announce his arrival; (3) Lu Dongbin, an immortal who carries a sword to rid the world of evil monsters; (4) Cao Guojiu, a courtier who has a writing tablet and serves as the patron deity of actors; (5) Li Tieguai, a man leaning on a crutch clutching a smoking gourd, the smoke of which frees the spirit from the body; (6) Han Xiangzi, the patron deity of musicians, who carries a lute and can cause flowers to bloom; (7) Lan Caihe, a person with both male and female characteristics, who carries a basket of flowers; and (8) He Xiangu, a girl holding a lotus blossom."  
  
Vivi perked her other eyebrow. "So in other words, every facsimile of Chinese mythology is embodied here."  
  
Jin Long nodded. "Pretty much."  
  
"Anything else I should know?"  
  
"Well....we have the Jade Emperor exiled...so....right about now, no."  
  
"Good. That was much too much for me to remember, so keep telling me all that."  
  
Jin Long bowed. "It would be my pleasure."  
  
Vivi snorted. "Don't I have a meeting?"  
  
Jin Long straightened, and led her off. "After we get your affairs in order. There hasn't been a Hou Long in quite a while, even if we do exist out of the stream of time. You can watch mortals in anything you want. I prefer a polished metal bowl."  
  
Vivi followed after the metal dragon, flinging herself into her new life.  
  
-------Saiyuki world, 3 years later  
  
"Sanzo! Are we there yet?" Goku whined from the backseat of the Jeep. His longer hair flew in the breeze as his yellow eyes looked dubiously at the scenery.  
  
Goyjo lit a cigarette, and scratched his shorter red hair. "Shut up stupid monkey."  
  
Hakkai smiled softly, the only one having the same look as before. "We aren't."  
  
Sanzo let his tattooed arm hang in the breeze. "Damn good thing I figured out how to use these."  
  
Goyjo snorted. "After many accidents."  
  
Sanzo held his hand near Goyjo's head. "I did manage to learn Vivi's little trick."  
  
Goku laughed. "I'd love to see that."  
  
Sanzo jumped out of the Jeep as it drove by at high speed. "This is it!"  
  
Hakkai hit the brakes and turned the Jeep furiously. "Warn me first ok?"  
  
Sanzo snorted. He had gotten rid of the bulky monk's garb a while ago, saving only the Sutra. Heaven and Earth hear my plea; send fire and water back to me. Let wood and metal carry my soul past the gates of Long. "Let fire open a way for me through water. Let metal be my path, water my guiding light. Let wood be my heart, earth my salvation. Carry me through to heart and hearth, let all those hear my plea and speak."  
  
Goku cleaned out his ear. "That was weird. Nothing's happening anyway."  
  
Hakkai smiled. "Wait."  
  
A small fire appeared on the water Sanzo had stopped in front of. It stretched up higher to around Vivi's height, and spewed forth a path of fire. A small, dainty foot stepped carefully on the path, followed by a naked leg, and another dainty foot and naked leg. In the end, the fire spewed forth a beautiful woman clad in a toga like dress. She held a fiery staff, capped by a ruby. Her eyes snapped open, revealing their golden red orbs. "Who called?"  
  
Sanzo held up his tattooed arm. "I seek safe passage to the Long for my companions and myself."  
  
The woman nodded. "Granted, although Lady Hou Long will be very angry with me for it. It will be the greatest gift I could give her."  
  
Goyjo looked at her. "Are you obsessed with another woman?"  
  
The fire maiden smiled. "Long can choose what they want to be. Lady Hou Long usually only takes two forms, a woman, and a small child. I have seen her change to a Long before. She was beautiful in her fiery scales, her golden whiskers trailing down....Oh look! We're here!"  
  
The maiden had brought them to the Long without even blinking an eye. She turned, and screamed as the shadows moved.  
  
"DAMN GIRL!" A large clawed hand, like that of a massive dragon, snaked out and grabbed the maiden. "WHAT DID YOU BRING THIS TIME?!?!?!?!"  
  
Sanzo held his arm in front of his face. "Well you sure as hell got mean."  
  
The dragon snarled, and shifted to a small girl. The girl had golden red eyes, and the same hair. No matter how you looked at her, she was beautiful. "Don't like it? Go home."  
  
Sanzo sighed. "After all the shit I went through? Hell no."  
  
The girl raised a brow. "Hell can be arranged."  
  
A beautiful young man with grey hair and golden eyes wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders. "So this is this Sanzo character that was so determined to see you happy?"  
  
The girl rolled her eyes and shifted shapes to that of a golden retriever. She sat down on her haunches. "No. It's Satan, following me with a pestilence."  
  
The man laughed and shifted to a beautiful greyhound. "How ironic. Shall I kill him then?"  
  
The dog growled, and shifted to that of a white rabbit. "That would be a bad idea."  
  
The greyhound laughed, and shifted back to the beautiful young man. "Show some manners Hou Long."  
  
The rabbit twitched its nose, and shifted to that of a beautiful young woman, clad in a bikini top and a high-slitted skirt. Her golden hair and eyes dazzled Sanzo's human ones, and sent Goyjo into little mental fits of ecstasy. Her skin appeared to be brushed with a bronze color, matching her golden hair with a darker hue. She wore no shoes, but instead wore an elaborate golden chain that connected a collar, her wrists, and her ankles with fine chain. She yawned, showing pointy white teeth. "Well. There you have it. Take it or leave it."  
  
Sanzo perked a bow. "So how old are you now?"  
  
The woman sighed heavily. "Twenty-one. Big deal."  
  
The pretty boy behind her gave Sanzo a look that could peel paint. "Come on Hou Long. You have a meeting with the Long Wang about your idea."  
  
The woman spun around and spin-kicked the pretty boy in obvious anger. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner!!!!!?!?!?!?!!!!!!"  
  
Sanzo perked his brow. "What idea?"  
  
The woman stopped bashing in the pretty boy's skull and looked at him. "The Long are making a peace agreement with Heaven. The most destructive god/goddess is going to marry the most destructive Long."  
  
Goyjo looked at her. "Who came up with that shitty idea?"  
  
The woman gritted her teeth. "Since it's the only trait we have in common.....But it was MY idea....so I should know the details. Which I have explained very clearly to Long Wang. Enough so, that I shouldn't ever need to talk to them again."  
  
The pretty boy sniggered. "I know something you don't know!"  
  
"SHUT UP OR TELL ME JIN LONG!!!!" The woman grinned evilly. "Or you could get a tiny little....penalty."  
  
Jin Long's eyes opened wide. "On a fellow Long? Are you mad?"  
  
The woman smiled evilly. "Kee kee kee."  
  
Jin long backed away. "You are one crazy Long!!!"  
  
The woman rolled her eyes. "Care to know your punishment?"  
  
Jin Long cowered down. "No..."  
  
The woman brandished a live lobster. "It's to spend three hours with a LIVE lobster in your pants!"  
  
Jin Long backed away slowly, and then all out sprinted, only to have Hou Long catch his pant edge and drop in the lobster.  
  
"That's cruel." Goyjo stood there with his eyelid sagging and his mouth held open.  
  
"And unusual." Sanzo just stared, an actual expression of surprise on his face.  
  
Jin Long squirmed around, digging at his pants trying to get the lobster away from certain areas. "No!!! Not there!!"  
  
Hou Long smiled evilly and laughed. She pointed her finger at him. "Now do you understand?!!? I will not be disobeyed!"  
  
Jin Long had tears streaming down his face. "Yes Lady Hou Long. Please remove this lobster!"  
  
Hou Long smiled evilly. "No. Three hours with that in your pants. And I know you don't wear any underwear."  
  
Jin Long wiggled on the ground, obviously in pain.  
  
Hakkai hid a laugh behind his ever polite hand. "Don't you have a meeting?"  
  
Hou Long smacked a fist into her hand. "That's right! Wiggle wiggle." She sprinted for the large pagoda, changing her shape to a large peregrine falcon after leaping into the air.  
  
Sanzo watched her flight path. "That was odd."  
  
-----------Earth, thirty years form now  
  
Earth was a desolate planet, the rest of humanity turned to look for its guidance from a bunch of humans who called themselves gods. They had used their advanced technology to create a sort of visible Heaven over their favorite city, Tokyo. They had made the world into a perfect paradise, if you followed what the gods said. Humanity had a new ruler, in the form of a young blonde man named.... Konzen. He ruled with an iron fist, rewarding humans if they brought a certain scroll to him. This scroll had been lost for ages. The Codex of Long. The ultimate guide to Long and how to reach their holy plain. And Konzen had finally found it. This Sanzo character was going to die a very painful death.  
  
AN: That was it folks. Chapter two. As you can see, I have many mental issues. My dog Theo says hi. He's a mini Schnauzer. He's just so cute!!!!! Great. He just drooled on my leg. Gross. But I shall prevail! After I go run to the bathroom and disinfect my entire body! And that's going to really hurt like hell! In the words of the infamous Black Knight from Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail: "It's just a flesh wound! Come back so I can bite your kneecaps off!" Anyways, I'm only in high school, so I have to take a mandatory summer vacation. In English: no more chapters until like.....September. Unless I miraculously find a computer with internet access, cuz I sure as hell can't use my mother's! So enjoy rereading this over...and over....and over.....Did you know that if you read my fics with a perverted mind, you can actually see what I was really writing? See you September! Don't hurt me AsianOrange. I can't help who I live with. 


	3. Garden of Lies

Summary: Chapter 3 The truth of the most destructive Long.

Disclaimer: For the last bloody flippin time....I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING RELATED TO GENSOMADEN SAIYUKI!!! GRRRR!!!!!!! Ahem. Yes I'm crazy.

Pairings: This is an Oc/Sanzo fic. It could become Oc/Oc/Sanzo. I am a twisted child...so it could happen.

Rating: R, cuz little kids are insecure enough in the front seat of a car. Potty mouths, violence, and general creepiness. New Pedophile vampire -

AN: See......I took a mandatory vacation. I can't help it if I live with an anti-internet Nazi for a mother. It's isn't my fault. As for all you people who wish I would shoot myself for writing Mary Sues......ahem.....I'm writing a slash just for you....ahem. Now please shoot me. Thank you. I hate slash fics. I hate slash in general. But it shuts you people up! Down with yaio!

I'll be calling all the dragons by their class and rank, i.e. Hou Long instead of Vivi. grumble Just read the damn thing. By the way, I have no beta. I have no second opinion. Everything I write is without any input from anyone except my computer.

Chapter 3:

Garden of Lies

Hou Long wiped her eyes of any tears left and straightened. "I'm ready Jin Long. Let's do this."

Jin Long kissed her forehead. "Just remember: no matter what, I'm here for you."

Hou Long gave a cheerful smile. "I know."

Jin Long threw open the doors and bowed her in. "My lord and lady gods and goddesses, Long Wang, I present you with Her Lady Hou Long."

Hou Long proudly walked in the room, noticing that her chair candles were unlit. "Bakas." She waved her hand elegantly and the candles burst into merry flames.

The god and goddesses clapped. "She is as powerful as they say." "Truly magnificent." "I wouldn't mind a good roll with her in bed."

Hou Long noted this last comment and waved her hand once more, lighting the god on fire as she innocently looked out of the window into Mu Long's garden. "I trust that your trip was....enjoyable?"

Ao Jun cleared his throat. "Hou Long.....Watch it."

"I can't help it my Lord. He was being dishonorable." Hou Long investigated her golden fingernails.

Ao Chi'in applauded. "Let the girl have her say. It won't matter much."

Hou Long snarled. "What are you talking about?!?!?!"

Ao Kuang grinned and snaked his long blue body around Hou Long. "You're the most destructive Long."

Hou Long snarled and changed into a massive dragon. She bit deep into Ao Kuang's spine, letting the bluish blood stain the carpet. "I won't."

Ao Shun gave her a dragon kiss. "You'll be marrying a god, you'll be happy to know."

Hou Long snarled. "It doesn't matter. We're shape shifters by nature!"

The Long Wang twined around each other, forcing Hou Long to change back into a human. "But you are more comfortable as a human female. Accept your fate."

Hou Long changed into a golden eagle and flew off to Jin Long and her mortal guests.

-------Jin Long's Armory

"So how did you die Jin Long?" Goyjo tested an interesting shakujo Jin Long had asked him to test, as having no experience with the weapon.

Jin Long smiled. "I fell in love with the wrong woman. She was gorgeous. She was perfect. Then I met her perfect husband. While I was still in bed with this woman. He cut my head off with a long sword."

Hakkai winced. "Not very pleasant."

Sanzo growled. "And I suppose you have a talent for luring women who already have guys?"

Jin Long laughed. "Hou Long is my mother. As a human Even for me it's complicated. Viviane can deal with it.....but I'm more fragile."

Hou Long flew in and shifted back into her human self. "Not as complicated as this marriage idea of mine."

Jin Long kissed her forehead. "It could be worse."

Hou Long ripped his arm off. "No it couldn't Walter."

Sanzo perked a brow. "Do you do that often?"

Hou Long rolled her eyes. "Put yourself back together."

Jin Long saluted with his remaining arm. "Yes ma'am!"

Hou Long conjured a chair of fire. "Damn it's cold in here. Do you even heat this place?"

Jin Long popped his arm back on and healed himself. "It's at least 90 degrees Fahrenheit."

Hou Long shivered. "No wonder." She tested the golden staff Jin Long proffered to her. She twirled it around, letting her skirt fly up. "Not bad Walter. The Myrmidons will like it."

Jin Long bowed. "So what's the bad news?"

Hou Long perked her head as if listening to something. Her eyes glazed over and she nodded, walking off talking animatedly in a foreign language, as if speaking to a shorter creature.

Jin Long shook his head. "She'll tell us later. Oy! Give Padre a kick up his keyster for meh!"

Sanzo perked a brow and scratched his head with his dragon arm. "Did I miss something here?"

A large crashing sound could be heard from the direction Hou Long had traveled in. Hou Long came quickly back around the corner, golden blood coursing down her left thigh. "Jin Long. You have some visitors. Deal with them before I do."

Jin Long winced as Hou Long pulled up her dress edge, revealing a nasty wound on her hip. "Armed?"

Hou Long made a face as she healed herself. "They qualify under your jurisdiction. But, if they turn on those plasma weapons, they're mine."

Jin Long changed into an old man. "Maybe the young should do it...."

Hou Long kicked him across the room towards the 'guests'. "Move it loser!"

Jin Long stuck his tongue out as he flew across the room. "I'll get you for this!"

Hou Long flicked the birdy. "Kiss my ass loser!"

Jin Long winced as he was shot in the heart by a plasma dart. "Your game...."

Hou Long cracked her knuckles. "Oh I pity you poor souls." As she cracked out her dragon claws on one arm and her elbow spike on the other, she rolled her head on her shoulders and let massive horns grow in her golden hair. "Here's Vivi!"

A battle scarred version of Sanzo, complete with punk rocker hair, tried to punch her in her fanged face. "Kenren! Hit her now!"

"Hell yeah!" A short haired Goyjo tackled Hou Long, and injected her with a massive evil needle. "Got her!"

Goku pointed. "Hey Sanzo! It's you!"

Hou Long's eyes rolled up in her head as she changed to a pure controlled version of herself, blonde hair, blue doe eyes, long pale white fingers, and her face shriveled up a bit, exposing her long fangs. "Kenren.....Konzen......Kill.....Them.....Long.....Wang..."

The punk version of Kenren kicked her mercilessly in the stomach. "Oh shut up. I went through hell to get here and all you have to say is kill them? Oh you are just so nice!"

Sanzo and Goyjo rolled up their idiom sleeves. "Bring it imitating bastards!"

Kenren and Konzen flexed their muscles, Konzen giving an evil grin. "We'd love to."

Jin Long came back in the room, closely followed by Mu Long, Shui Long, and Tu Long. Tu Long was a beautiful woman who looked like Earthy from Card Captor Sakura. If you don't know what that looks like, Google it. Images: Cardcaptor Sakura, look for the section of 3 by 3...long things that resemble Tarot cards, then click the image, and follow the instructions at the bottom of the page. The cards in question are called Clow Cards. You should get the right one if you see The Twins, The Dark, The Earthy, the Cloud, The Sand, and The Dream. The cards are in a semi color state. Shui Long just looks like: If image does not show, ask me later so I can e-mail it to you. Tu Long and Shui Long sighed as they messed with their respective elements to create a ditch filled with water around the newcomers. Mu Long and Jin Long kept a respectful watch on Goku, Goyjo, and Sanzo.

Konzen and Kenren simply hoisted Hou Long onto their shoulders and Konzen held his hand out as if he was in pain. "Codex of Long, take me back to where I belong!"

Tu Long sighed as the three disintegrated into whichever dimension they originally came from. "Oh great. I thought I told you to destroy the Codex of Long. Now we have to shift through some thirty odd million universes to find the exact Konzen we need. Great."

Shui Long laughed hysterically. "Now we can get a better Hou Long!"

Tu Long grabbed her by the throat and strangled her. "YOU IDIOT!!!! She was the only one who was still human enough to show emotion! Thus, she was the only one capable of marrying THAT god!!!"

Sanzo's eyebrow perked up. "Vivi's getting married?"

Kanzeon chose this point in time to pop in. "Why is the Hou Long suddenly passing her powers on to her other selves?"

Jin Long sat down on the ground. "Elaborate and I shall explain this phenomenon."

Kanzeon smacked her forehead. "Every single Viviane under my observation has suddenly developed pyrokinesis overnight. One Viviane in particular has an.....overabundant...amount of power. Vain! Come!"

A fiery portal appeared in the dimensional wall of the Long world. Out of it, a black haired, cat eyed, scantily clad thief version of Viviane took a running jump through, closely followed by numerous bullets. This Viviane, apparently called Vain pulled out a long set of knives from their holster across her thin waist and spun them around expertly, using them to flick the bullets harmlessly into the walls, narrowly avoiding some of her audience. She bowed to Kanzeon, making a rapid series of finger movements.

Kanzeon smiled. "Understandable Vain. Vain, this is Tu Long, Jin Long, Mu Long, Goku, Goyjo, Hakkai, and Genjo Sanzo."

Vain's eyes bugged out and she did an even faster finger pattern.

Kanzeon sighed. "No relation to anyone in your dimension. This is one of the core dimensions of the universes. The only place where you can cross over to anywhere and when you choose. Understand?"

Vain nodded and sat cross legged on the floor, blades at the ready. She moved her fingers lazily in yet another pattern.

Kanzeon pulled her up. "Now is not the time to be ignorant. If you haven't guessed yet, Vain has lost her ability to speak. Care to show them why Vain?"

Vain made a noise like a sigh and opened her mouth. It could be seen that her tongue had been cut out.

Goku recoiled. "Gross!"

Goyjo nodded. "It'd be rude to say cat got your tongue wouldn't it?"

Vain smiled prettily and made another finger movement.

Kanzeon laughed. "She says: 'Actually, the cat did get my tongue.' Vain, if you help us find someone, we'll see if your tongue is regrowable."

Tu Long and Mu Long looked at each other and forced open Vain's jaw. Tu Long clucked. "This is doable, with much pain on your part. How bad do you want this?"

Vain flipped her knives around, showing her skill. Then she snapped her knives in half over her knee.

Jin Long whistled. "Damn. That bad huh?"

Mu Long waved his hand and a chair grew out of the floor. "Have a seat. You'll be no good for this kind of mission if you can't talk. However, for this to fully work, you will have to remove all enchantments or artificial whatnot."

Vain nodded and ran her hands through her short cropped black hair. As her hand passed by each portion, a little bit more hair was revealed. In the end, Vain grabbed a clump of air near her head, tingeing it black. She repeated this process many times until she had past the floor length hair, tied into long locks with silver hair ties (traditional long Chinese style). She stood up and twisted the silver moon pendent she wore, flipping it to show a crescent moon. Vain's scanty thieving outfit disappeared and was replaced with an outfit exactly like Dark Chi's infamous black hooker outfits she wears so often (go google black Chi or Chobits. You'll find something. The one I have, she's sitting on the moon). A woven silver headband in an intricate pattern kept Vain's long black hair out of her eyes. Complex chain earrings adorned her long ears. She waved her hands over each other, and her many silver rings, some with ebony insets, appeared on her fingers.

Goyjo whistled. "Damn. If Vivi wore that getup..." He wiggled his fingers suggestively.

Kanzeon put her hand to her head. "Well. There went my carefully made disguise. To bad those really were your father's knives."

Mu Long and Tu Long nodded to each other. Then the healing process began, with a small warning from Tu Long. "As you are Damned, our magic is going to hurt you more than it hurts other people or creatures. Our magic will also be in a more visible form." Tu Long and Mu Long held their hands over Vain's still form, and their magic could be seen in an electrifying current of green and gold light.

As the light hit her, Vain began screaming in her awful mute way, her entire body put into inverse. Vain grab the chair she was sitting in with her powerful long fingers, eventually breaking the wood into splinters with the force of her contained rage. After a few minutes of nonstop mute roaring, the roar became larger, more feline in nature. Vain's teeth grew longer and sharper as Mu Long and Tu Long broke off the magic for a commentary. "She's strong. She would make a fine Huntress." "She is a Preborn. I wonder what the extent of her knowledge is?"

After thirty minutes, Vain was returned to her normal self. She fell out of the chair, on her hands and knees, her hair pooled all around her. She gasped, grasping her throat with her right hand, making sure everything still worked. She opened her mouth like a fish. "Aaaah. Daijôbu minna-san."

Tu Long smiled. "Everything works?"

Vain smiled evilly. "One way to make sure."

Kanzeon rolled her eyes and waved her hand. Standing in front of the assembled people was an executioner. In is hand he held a bloody ax, posed as if he had just cut someone's head off. He turned and pulled off his black mask, revealing a face exactly like Goyjo. Kanzeon waved her hand again, and this time, a street scum version of Sanzo appeared in front of them. "Anyone else you'd care to test yourself on?"

The not-Goyjo turned to look at the person in question and winced. He held his ax at the ready. "It was nothing personal thief."

The street Sanzo perked his eyebrow and dug in his ear. "I have not'in to do with this. 'Tever this is."

Vain put her long nailed hand in front of her mouth as she tried not to laugh. "Still the same as ever Kouryu."

Kouryu waved cheekily. "Morning my queen."

Vain kept smiling innocently as she suddenly disappeared and reappeared behind Kouryu. "Are you sure you care to discuss that....traitor?"

Kouryu blanched. "Oh shit."

Vain's iris shrunk as her canines grew longer. "Oh shit is right." She grabbed him in a vampire's embrace, brushing his hair away from the side of his neck, and bit his neck oh so elegantly, crushing his ribs in her haste to drain him dry. When he was just an empty husk, she turned to the executioner and dropped the shriveled body onto the tiles. "Now is when you run."

Executioner Goyjo took her advice and ran for all his life was worth. Because his life was about to end.

Vain yawned, giving the executioner a few more precious moments. She did a little dance on the spot, then took off with Damned speed. Those left in the workshop could hear the executioner's last battle. Vain returned shortly, licking blood off her delicate fingers. A long cut on her face healed quickly. She politely yawned. "It's too early in the day for this sort of thing."

Kanzeon splashed her with a vial of water. "There's more where that came from."

Vain hissed as the water burned into her vampiric flesh. "Stop doing that!"

Jin Long handed her two long knives, repaired. "You might need these. Especially if people figure out that you're a vampire."

Vain smiled. "Thank you." She noticed her audience (Goku, Hakkai, Goyjo, and Sanzo) staring at her. She pointed a slim finger at Sanzo and turned back to Kanzeon. "Are you sure they aren't from my world?"

Kanzeon nodded. "Most definitely. This is Genjo Sanzo, keeper of the Maten Sutra. Not Kouryu Blooddrinker, the reason why you are Damned to begin with."

Shui Long gingerly stepped over the only carcass in the room. "We can restore your mortality.....for a price."

Vain smiled a vampire smile, making Shui Long squeak and hide behind a pillar. "You might want to do it for free."

Jin Long laughed, his pretty boy face pleasant. "I'd do it if I could! But I need Hou Long to aid me in that endeavor."

Vain whistled. "That's a tall order dragon."

Tu Long held her hands in an upside down prayer position. "You have a great gift Preborn. Don't waste it."

Vain did her vampire trick, only this time ending up behind Sanzo. "I could just break his little neck."

Jin Long held up his finger. "Fine. Bring us back our Hou Long, and we shall give you back your mortality."

Vain grinned. "Very good. Sorry for the whole freak out deal."

Goku relaxed a little bit. "Apology accepted."

Vain leaned down. "I was talking to Sanzo. Hey, do you have any idea why I go around chomping people's heads off?"

Goku shook his head. "Are you some sort of special youkai?"

Vain smiled. "You're so cute. No. A vampire is a corpse that's supposed to leave its grave very night to suck the blood of the living. It can't die unless you burn it. It was once a human being that was drained almost to the point of death and then offered vampiric blood so that they become immortal like their creator. Now here's my big check here. Do you know what the term vamp means?"

Goku had a big o for a mouth as he shook his head. "No."

Vain sat down on the ground, her legs crossed. "A vamp is the short word for vampire, and also denotes a woman who uses sexual attraction to control men. I was a vamp when I was alive, and that's the partial reason why I'm dead."

Goku flonked down into the same position. "Why's that?"

Vain rubbed his head. "You're so cute. Nobody ugly is going to be made a vampire. I mean come on here. If you're going to spend eternity with someone, they might as well be pretty. It's also taboo to Turn a child. This is simply because, the child's mind will grow up, but their bodies won't. They'll be eternal dolls. Doll vampires usually turn into psychotic killers of children. I've know two, and they both killed their creators, then themselves. Not a pretty picture."

Kanzeon cleared her throat. "This isn't a Turn party Vain. Besides, he's heretical."

Vain hugged Goku to her ample bosom and patted his head. "He's still super cute."

Goku hugged her back. "I wouldn't want to die though."

Vain let him go. "Exactly what I've been trying to tell you for the past three minutes. Vampires. Do. Not. Die. We live forever. Most of us chose to be this way because we're scared of death."

Kanzeon pulled Vain up by her hair. "You can't turn him Vain. He's heretical."

Vain clasped her hands together. "But that doesn't mean I can't try."

Kanzeon sighed. "He would die. His body would shrivel up into a little ball of dust."

Vain grimaced. "Eew. Let's not do that."

Kanzeon rolled her eyes. "Keep dreaming. The other three are still open."

Vain yawned. "I was supposed to be doing something?"

Shui Long puddlefied. "She's just as bad as Viviane."

Tu Long threw a rock at her. "Have some respect. We shall transport you to the destination in question, as soon as Vain locates her."

Vain's eyes glassed over. "What's her name again?"

"Hou Long, Vivi, Viviane. Use those parameters." Jin Long gave the thumbs up sign.

Vain's eyes glazed over, giving her the appearance of being truly dead.

Sanzo leaned against the wall. "This is all just fascinating, but how do I find Vivi?"

Kanzeon pointed at Vain. "Who better find someone than themselves?"

Goku sniffed. "I smell dumplings."

Sanzo whacked him with the paper fan. "URUSAI BAKA SARU!"

Goku whimpered and latched his hands onto his head.

Jiipu cheeped. Hakkai smiled. "Perhaps we could find some sort of food."

Jiipu and Goku got into a squabbling match. Goyjo sighed. "Hey Sanzo, Hakkai. I think it's time for you to put your animals in separate cages."

Jin Long covered his mouth politely. "That was cute. Come. I shall show you the Hou Long's banquet hall. I'm sure the Myrmidons will be happy to have someone to care for."

---------Three hours later

An extremely pale Vain stumbled into the banquet hall. Her breathing was ragged and shallow. "I couldn't find her.....too strong."

Kanzeon waved to a Myrmidon maiden. "Find some human sacrifices. Live is preferred." He/she sighed. "If Vain can't find her....I'll have to find a super holy Viviane. And a youkai one to round it off."

Sanzo lowered his paper (amazing what Myrmidons can do neh?). "Sacrifices?"

Vain opened her mouth. Her razor sharp teeth where small in her sunken face. "I wasted quite a bit of energy. I might burn..."

---------Two hours later

Kanzeon reentered the banquet hall. "Found her. Recluse Syphixia universe, Neo Tokyo. Gotta love monks."

A mirror image of Sanzo, save female, with her hands tucked in her robe sleeves walked demurely around the door. She opened her startling azure eyes and stared at Sanzo. "Goddess, might this humble one inquire into something of much personal value?"

Kanzeon sighed. "I forgot to explain this to you didn't I?"

The mirror Sanzo made a deep bow. "It is not the servant's place to inquire into higher matters."

Kanzeon snorted. "He's not your version. So cut the formal crap Sanzo."

The other Sanzo sighed and scratched her head. "Goody. Formal shit makes me feel sleepy anyway. Anybody got a light?"

Kanzeon smacked her in the back of her head. "If I've learned anything, it's that smoking is bad for pregnant women."

The other Sanzo rolled her eyes. "Who gives a shit anyways?"

Hakkai covered Goku's eyes and ears. "This is not appropriate for young children."

Goyjo leaned forward. "So...."

The other Sanzo perked her eyebrow exactly like Sanzo. "For the record, I am the sixth Sanzo Hotoko Sanzo, successor to Genjo Sanzo the Corrupt, keeper of the Maten Sutra, Most Holy and Redeemed Monk, Demon and God Summoner Expert Class, AngelWing Archangel." This Hotoko Sanzo said very very fast, evidence of much practice.

Sanzo pointed a finger at her. "If you're Sanzo, where's the Sutra?"

Hotoko Sanzo stuffed her hand down her robe front and dug around for a bit. "No....that's money.....that's spare handkerchiefs.......bra.......ah! Here we go! Maten Sutra and crown thingy." Hotoko Sanzo held up a scroll in one hand and a golden crown denoting a Sanzo in the other. She crammed the crown on, it being too big and falling down to cover one eye. She shoved it up with her hand impatiently. "Need to get the blasted thing fixed. Didn't even fit Genjo."

Sanzo's face twitched. "What makes you think it doesn't fit me?"

Hotoko Sanzo plonked it on his head, it promptly falling down over one eye. "That's how. I believe the words you're looking for are: Shit bugger fuck! Fuck this cheap ass merchandising! Fuck this crappy thing! And fuck you for laughing!"

Goyjo's eyes grew wide. "Wow."

Sanzo pulled out a cigarette. "Still doesn't prove anything."

Hotoko Sanzo stole a cigarette from behind and blew on Sanzo's hair. "Thanks."

Goyjo snickered. "I think I know why."

Hotoko Sanzo lit her cigarette off Sanzo's politely proffered lighter. She sucked in deeply and puffed out a big smoke ring. "Don't think. It's unbecoming."

Hakkai politely snickered.

Kanzeon sighed and disappeared to tell the Long the location of Hou Long.

Goku leaned forward and tried to grab a dumpling while under Hakkai's blindfold. Hotoko Sanzo placed a bowl of ret hot peppers in front of him. Goku fell upon it, stuffing his face without tasting anything. He swallowed, then turned bright red.

Hotoko Sanzo dumped the first of four water pitchers out of the window. "Let him go Hakkai-san."

Hakkai pulled his hands up quickly.

Goku raced over to where he thought the water pitcher was, ending up sprawled on the floor as Hotoko Sanzo tripped him. "Ouch! What was that for?"

Hotoko Sanzo poked him with chopsticks. "This is the exact same method I used a long time ago to teach you manners. First mistake, reaching for food with your chopsticks without first proffering it to the lady. Second mistake, not proffering it to your host after the lady. Third mistake, never reach blindly for anything, anywhere. This time I used peppers. Next time, it's scorpions. Or scorpion demons. Pending on how much I like you. Understand?"

Goku belched out fire. "Yes."

Hotoko Sanzo poured the second water pitcher out the window. "Yes what?"

Goku fanned his mouth. "Yes evil lady?"

Hotoko Sanzo sighed. "You are making this very difficult for you." She poured the third water pitcher out the window. She held the fourth, and last on tipping mode. "Care to try again?"

Goku hopped up and down. "Yes ma'am!"

Hotoko Sanzo smiled sweetly. "Knew you would get it." She handed him the last pitcher. "Politely ask the Myrmidons where to refill it when you are finished. Then fill it with ice cold water. And get me some green tea while you're out. Move it."

Goku stuck out his lower lip. "Make me."

Hotoko Sanzo picked up the dumplings. "There's a koi pond three feet away. I'm sure the fish would appreciate it."

Goyjo's jaw hung open. "What a woman."

Hotoko Sanzo leaned over and closed his jaw with a snap. "I'm married." She held up her hand, displaying the black ring there.

Hakkai pointed to it. "Actually Hotoko Sanzo-sama, you're a widower."

Hotoko Sanzo sighed. "Eight months. I'm still under going 'mourning'."

Kanzeon returned. "As much as you'd like me to not tarnish your perfect little marriage, I'm going to have to. Bargaining purposes."

Hotoko Sanzo leaned forward, hands steepled. "Explain yourself." Her tone was cold and calculating, unlike the usual kowtowing involved with gods.

Kanzeon pulled up a chair. "We require your assistance in the recovery of the Hou Long, Guardian of Fire."

Hotoko Sanzo made a small head bow. "Understandable. It disrupts the balance. Mynemose Prime has a serious issue with that."

Kanzeon perked a brow. "You actually know your own dimension's name?"

Hotoko Sanzo waved a hand over the table. A 3D map of the dimensions appeared. Hotoko Sanzo held up her hand, displaying a large sapphire inset on the palm of her glove. "I used to navigate dimensional raiding ships. In simplified terms, I'm a dimensional pirate from the only society capable of doing it: Zharkanis Ray Deus. We have a whole law system governing our every move, but some of us don't like that much."

Sanzo poked the map experimentally. "So....What happened to the Mynemose Viviane?"

Hotoko Sanzo squinted. "Put in short.....She died at the age of six due to a skull fracture."

Hakkai came up with a very sensible question. "So where's Vivi?"

Hotoko Sanzo counted off on her fingers. "Shalyfis, Doros, maybe.......twenty six minor jumps with plenty of breaks using human power. With the Deimos, two thruster trips. With the top of the line Magnus5....maybe three minutes in a comfortable spaceship equipped with all the modern necessities. On god power......you'll be lucky if you even get there in one piece. From the center, which is here, a rift won't go that far. You'd need a pretty complex guide system, like maybe the Codex of Long."

The Longs had decided to hear this. Jin Long cleared his throat. "So the Codex of Long is a ship?"

Hotoko Sanzo wiggled her hand in an iffy thing. "I'm not sure. The Codex of Long is supposed to be the only dimensional ship capable of space and dimensional travel with no ill effects like fuel usage. But my ship is still better. Not that you get to use it or anything."

Vain reclined against a chair as a new Viviane was brought in. This Viviane had a toothpick in her mouth, and massive blades coming out of her forearms. She had short cropped grey and white hair and her eyes were yellow cat's eyes. She had a grey and white fluffy tail and she wore only a black leather bikini and knee high black boots.

Tu Long sighed. "What's your ship's name?"

Hotoko Sanzo grinned at her compatriots. "Best one out there. The legendary ship from Jurai, an alien planet: the Kitsune Surprise."

AN: Konichiwa! I'm back with yet another crazy ass chapter! I'm borrowing the lyrics


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